Republican Humor and Conservative Satire

I get so sick of the liberals trying to play politics with the national security of our country. That’s right the liberals are trying to do everything they can to make sure America is not protected. How else could you explain the tactics of the liberals in trying to bring a good man like Tom Delay down? Or, the tactics to make John Bolton - President Bush's nominee to the U.N. - look like a raging, unstable, angry, hate-filled man!

Yes, the liberals and their friends in the elitist liberal media are trying to make Tom Delay look as if he’s a liar, a crook, a thief, and just an all around asshole. Damn it, Tom might be an asshole, but name me one neo-conservative that isn't! Just look at John Bolton, he is cut from the same cloth as Tom DeLay and they don't trust each other. So, you can call John Bolton an asshole too!

The talking heads in the liberal media are all pointing to my beloved GOP, saying that Republicans are starting to squabble amongst themselves. These know-nothing liberals claim there is a rift in the Republican Party and that we can’t even get along with each other. Nothing could be further from the truth. Do you understand that we Republicans are together, united as one? O.K., true there are some in the Republican Party that may not agree with President Bush's policies. Just because we have a few panty wasted ninnies in the party doesn't mean that we can't get along. Unlike the Democrats we Republicans are free to hate who we choose!

A good case in point would be my friend and rival, Ann Coulter. This past week Ann scored the cover of Time Magazine. Ann Coulter is the other blonde-bombshell pundit of the Republican Party. I could not be happier for Ann, and I am not jealous one bit. Ann was placed on the cover despite the fact that she has really tiny tits! I wasn't upset that Ann got on the cover, even though I have rather large tits. No, I was happy for the bitch!!!

Hey, what's the difference between Ann Coulter and the Grand Canyon? Answer: Ann's had more things thrown in her!

Ann Coulter is a friend of mine and I am happy for her, being featured on the cover of Time! True, she can be a real bitch, but she is a true Republican in every sense of the word. Yeah, Ann is a first rate asshole. She loves to strut that boney stuff of hers on stage or television, and I think we Republicans almost respect her for it. She is on the cutting edge of conservatism, neo-conism, and sluttiness.

Ann Coulter is a pseudo-friend of mine - I mean, I do admire her spunk and her brashness. I mean, it takes a real woman with morals and values to walk on stage after being laid by most - if not all - of the stage hands! Too bad there isn't some type of honor for women like Ann that make their way by getting laid!

These liberal rags are great at shoveling dirt upon good conservatives like Ann. Let me state here and now that Ann Coulter and I could be friends. . .maybe, someday! But, I can't stand to sit by and watch a fellow neo-con getting the once over by a liberal rag. Most of you may not know, but I was asked to be the cover girl before small tits Ann, but I had a bad case of morning sickness and severe bout of cooter cooties.

So, there we have it. The liberal rags are trying to put a wedge between the Republicans. True, there are some Republicans who act more like homosexual liberals than hard charging conservative, and we don't care for them, but we Republicans are united!

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