Republican Humor and Conservative Satire

AARP Is A Terrorist Organization
by: H. Robert Hoover, RepublicanPress.com Chief Economist

The great thing about the American economy is that we Republicans are in control of our own destiny. For Democrats, there is no control. There is either a life of work, which leads some to riches, or a life as a Welfare Whore who lives off of others. True, not all work will lead to riches - I guess if one is a mill worker, laborer, or just a lowly union worker, work will not lead to riches - but, work is rewarding. Unfortunately, it is also rewarding to be a Welfare Whore.

A common misperception is that Welfare Whores do not choose their lot in life. However, nothing could be further from the truth. Welfare Whores choose not to invest their meager earnings. Many people simply want to get by in life - living from pay check to pay check and never thinking about tomorrow. These people claim that they can't afford groceries, or buy the kids clothes with their meager earnings. They claim they don't earn enough money to save or invest. Well cry me a river - that's the same old tired bullshit argument the liberals always use to defend these Welfare Whores.

The liberals believe that they are the party to come to the defense of the poor, the down trodden, the wretched, the Welfare Whores and the Senior Citizens. Yeah, every loser that ever trod within the borders of this great land gets a liberal to cry for them. "Oh, they are poor!" or "Oh, they are weak!" or "Oh, they are down trodden!" or "Oh, they are old!" the liberals cry from their bleeding hearts, which by the way are colored commie red! "Well, boo-hoo! Tell those lazy bastards to get a job!" I say and while counting my money.

Recently, the AARP (American Association of Retired People) has came out against President Bush's plan to revamp Social Security. I can't believe that this is happening to a fine compassionate conservative like President Bush, but it is, led by the old farts at AARP. These old farts constitute an "old" axis of evil when they stand in the way of this President and his bold plans to force Americans from sucking on the tits of Uncle Sam.

Just as with any terrorists, the AARP's main goal is to cost America money and disrupt the flow of business in America. The AARP achieves this dastardly goal by forcing the Real Americans, "the rich", to pay taxes so they, "the old farts", can live like a damn king or queen in their nursing homes. They, the old farts, feed off of us, the rich, like some sort of parasite on our cods, sucking the very life out of us. For the AARP, Americans Against Republican Progress would be a more appropriate term. Let's take a look at the type of terrorists that the AARP supports:

Nancy Nursing Home -- is your typical AARP card holder. Hell fire, good old Nancy lies there in her nice nursing home bed, while people like me are out trying to make a fortune. Nancy just lies there, being fed, clothed, and washed by the staff, and then sends the bill for all this care to good old Uncle Sam. Nancy doesn't give a shit who pays as long as it isn't her! Nancy Nursing Home is a TERRORIST!

Oscar Old Timer -- is in the AARP and every now and then old Oscar slips into Nancy's room and bangs the hell out of her! This old bastard can't care for himself, but damn if he can't bang Nancy like a Congo drum! Oscar retired at 65, he says because of his arthritis, but in reality it was due to his bout of VD, so Oscar got early retirement! Yeah, old Oscar was the real deal back when he was younger, too cheap to buy rubbers, and now we taxpayers are paying for his upkeep! Oscar Old Timer is a TERRORIST!

Gerry Geezer -- is another member of the AARP. Unlike Oscar, Gerry tends to like his loving on the male side! That's right, old Gerry Geezer is a flaming fag! Hell, there ain't a male orderly that Gerry hasn't blown, touched, ogled, or fantasized about. Yeah, old Gerry is getting more than enemas up his wrinkled old ass! While Gerry is doing his best to get it in the end, we are paying for his perversions! GERRY GEEZER is a TERRORIST. . . . .a FAG TERRORIST!

These are only 3 examples of how the old farts are using us. I could go on and name more, but hell I don't get paid by the word. I think the best we can do is to stand by President Bush's side as he declares WAR on Social Security and the GERIATRIC TERRORISTS at AARP. President Bush and the Republican Party are fighting these "old perverts and wrinkled flesh peddlers" and it is time we join their fight!

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