Republican Humor and Conservative Satire

Time For Massive Budget Cuts
by: H. Robert Hoover, Chief Economist, RepublicanPress.com

It is budget time again in Washington D.C. and the howls and growls of the liberals are once more being heard. Oh sure, according to liberals, we Republicans are out to cut grandma's heating oil, or shut down the schools where the little kiddies are supposed to learn. Yeah, the big bad capitalist Republicans are out “to get” the old, the poor, the young, and the needy according to these Hollywood liberals.

To start with, our nation's constitution doesn't allow for many of the liberal handout programs that are now being funded by taxpayer money. Programs such as: Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, Welfare, along with frivolous government departments such as: Education, EPA, Labor, Agriculture, are all violating the constitution. It is time we set things right by starving the beast and shutting down the funding to these communist programs. We must starve the beast of Government and set free the beast of capitalism and free markets!

President Bush has the wheels in motion. He is marching towards bringing our nation's government back into the business of business! It has been a long time in coming, but now it is upon us, like the stench of a dog turd! And the man to thank for that stench is President Bush.

Oh sure, the free spending Democrats will cry for the poor, the weak, and the helpless, but where are the tears for the wealthy among us? What about the rich businessmen? What about those that pollute our skies, water, and air, in order to make a little money? What about their problems? It is up to us, the Republicans, to look after these people's interest and keep this economy roaring down the tracks. Solid tracks built by the Chinks and Coloreds, to that land where there are no rules, regulations, or silly work place laws!

The following are programs that President Bush is suggesting should be cut or done away with. There are many, many more programs and departments that President Bush is going to whack - just like the prisoners at Abu-Ghraib got whacked, so too are these liberal programs going to get it in the end...

Program Name	Comments
Heating Oil Program	A program for old, poor-ass people whereby the government purchases heating oil for their homes. While you and I are working and paying taxes, old Fred and Freda Frostbite are sitting in their nice shotgun shack warm and toasty this winter. We, the taxpayers, have to trudge through hip deep snow to work, and Fred and Freda are in their La-z-boy recliner giving us the finger as we pass by their window on our way to work! It is time for Fred and Freda to get off their old wrinkled up asses and go back to work! I say cut off their heat and let the old bastard Fred freeze his worthless, dried-up, nuts! I say let old Freda go back to work or let her old ass freeze! After 9-11 we can't afford the luxurious lifestyles of the old, the poor, and the sick!
Education	No Child Left Behind, but that was before 9-11. Now, it is time for Education to show a profit! These snot-nosed kids need to get a job and pay for their own education. We taxpayers have been paying top dollar for little Paul Pellgrant, and little Sue Scholarship to read and write, but they can't do either one! President Bush's message to Paul and Sue is, "Get a damn job and earn your way in life!"
EPA	What pollution? President Bush is asking this question. After 9-11 we can no longer worry about shit, and we can't go around punishing business for something that may or may not harm all of us. Mercury and Arsenic are essential nourishment in our drinking water, and President Bush is going to make sure we get the daily allowance!
Medicare	Yeah right, like we taxpayers should be paying for Tammy Tampon's twat care! It is sad when people can't afford good insurance, but it is even sadder when we force the wealthy to pay for the medical care of others. President Bush says, "After 9-11, we can't ever really be safe and secure, and neither should we expect low cost medical insurance from the government."
Social Security	President Bush says it will go broke one way or the other, and it is up to us to determine how we want it to go broke. We can wait until 2042, or we can let President Bush yank our pants down now, bend us over a chair, and let him throw one to us! "Social Security was a good idea, but 9-11 changed everything!" President Bush said, and he is right. 9-11 even changed how we do accounting and math!

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