Republican Resolutions For A New Year by: Raymond P. Clodstill, Editor in Chief, RepublicanPress.com
Now
is the the time of year when Americans reflect on another
year gone by, and begin to plan amends for a new year.
As I began to reflect, I thought about President Bush's
leadership. We have gone through a recession, a terror
attack, then another recession, a war in Afghanistan,
economic slow down, another recession, the loss of jobs, and
a war in Iraq. Through all of this adversity President
Bush kept his hands firmly placed upon the tiller of
America. He never wavered, never doubted, and never
changed course. He showed the resolve and compassion
necessary to look a bad decision straight in the eye and
blame others!
I
also reflected on what we at RepublicanPress.com (RPC)
have accomplished in such a short time span. I started this
compassionate-conservative online magazine with the hope
that we could send out the real story of America, and what
it means. I think we have succeeded in this endeavor. I
wanted a conservative view point that reflected the values
of America. Yes we started with a revolutionary
concept that the liberals couldn't copy -- a magazine that
loves America, and wasn't afraid to report the good news in
Iraq. I think we have answered these challenges, and
gone beyond my wildest dreams; for RepublicanPress.com
now stands tall among our neo-conservative peers, such as:
The Washington Times, The American Spectator, FOX News,
Clear Channel, The Weekly Standard, The New York Post, and
Sinclair Broadcasting. Yes, as great as all these
media outlets are, I think that RPC is holding its
own in selling the moral conservative view and the
shortcomings of the liberal commie-elitists!
As
I thought about my own greatness, I must also admit that my
thoughts turned to my sexy, 34 year old wife, Trudy. As many
of you know, my 34 year old wife, Trudy, is a hell-cat in
bed. It is hard on me, a conservative of 58 years, to
satisfy the carnal cravings of a lady her age. As many
of you know from my previous columns, earlier this year I
had to enter rehab with my good friend Rush Limbaugh.
It seems that I too, had a monkey on my back. I found
myself addicted to OxyContin along with a potent cocktail of
other drugs. These drugs included but were not limited
to: Vicodin, Zanex, Viagra, Cialis, Ex-Lax, Pepto
Bismol, Tucks Medicated Pads, and the worst of all -- Fleet
Enemas. It seems I had turned to medical stimulants in
hopes of providing Trudy with a semi hard-on at least once a
week.
Each
day is still a struggle, but night after night, day
after day, Trudy's sexual needs have to met. As I
think of her, I can see her standing in her short mini
skirt, silky stockings upon her long sexy legs, her pouty
plump lips, her massive 36D's standing straight and firm.
Yes, I can see her standing there with morals and values,
bidding me to suckle upon her round, long, nipples as they
protrude through her tight white sweater. "This babe
needs a massive Yule log this Christmas!" I can hear her
saying as she stands there. Alas, I am still having trouble
meeting Trudy's needs; for I am a Republican entrepreneur
and the pressures of being such have taken their toll. I
have however, made it possible for Trudy to seek
professional help in easing her pain by enlisting her in the
GYNO-GYM run by Dr. Longthrust and Dr. Filltwat. This
has helped Trudy to realize her full potential, ease her
pain, and soothe her craving, through exercise, counseling,
therapy, and daily injections from Dr. Longthrust and Dr.
Filltwat.
Let
us be thankful in the coming year, that we Republicans now
control the White House, Senate, and House of
Representatives, along with the Supreme Court.
However, we must not be satisfied. We must find new
ways to blame the Democrats for decisions we have made.
We must spin harder, and use our tight grip on the cods of
the media to squeeze until they completely submit to our
will! It's time that the Real Patriots, those who love
America, took control! That my friends, is a recipe
for a Happy New Year!
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Thank you.
About The Author
Raymond P. Clodstill
1980: Graduated from Oral Roberts University
1982:
Worked
for Jerry Falwell
1983: Worked in Reagan White House
1984: Ran for and lost Senate seat in Virginia
1985: Ran for congress in Maryland and lost.
1986: Worked in Reagan White House
1987: Started "Missile Tech Inc." 1987, self appointed CEO
1988: Sold Missile Tech Inc for undisclosed sum.
1989--2002: Various columnist jobs throughout the country.
I
also reflected on what we at RepublicanPress.com (RPC)
have accomplished in such a short time span. I started this
compassionate-conservative online magazine with the hope
that we could send out the real story of America, and what
it means. I think we have succeeded in this endeavor. I
wanted a conservative view point that reflected the values
of America. Yes we started with a revolutionary
concept that the liberals couldn't copy -- a magazine that
loves America, and wasn't afraid to report the good news in
Iraq. I think we have answered these challenges, and
gone beyond my wildest dreams; for RepublicanPress.com
now stands tall among our neo-conservative peers, such as:
The Washington Times, The American Spectator, FOX News,
Clear Channel, The Weekly Standard, The New York Post, and
Sinclair Broadcasting. Yes, as great as all these
media outlets are, I think that RPC is holding its
own in selling the moral conservative view and the
shortcomings of the liberal commie-elitists! 
As
I thought about my own greatness, I must also admit that my
thoughts turned to my sexy, 34 year old wife, Trudy. As many
of you know, my 34 year old wife, Trudy, is a hell-cat in
bed. It is hard on me, a conservative of 58 years, to
satisfy the carnal cravings of a lady her age. As many
of you know from my previous columns, earlier this year I
had to enter rehab with my good friend Rush Limbaugh.
It seems that I too, had a monkey on my back. I found
myself addicted to OxyContin along with a potent cocktail of
other drugs. These drugs included but were not limited
to: Vicodin, Zanex, Viagra, Cialis, Ex-Lax, Pepto
Bismol, Tucks Medicated Pads, and the worst of all -- Fleet
Enemas. It seems I had turned to medical stimulants in
hopes of providing Trudy with a semi hard-on at least once a
week.
Let
us be thankful in the coming year, that we Republicans now
control the White House, Senate, and House of
Representatives, along with the Supreme Court.
However, we must not be satisfied. We must find new
ways to blame the Democrats for decisions we have made.
We must spin harder, and use our tight grip on the cods of
the media to squeeze until they completely submit to our
will! It's time that the Real Patriots, those who love
America, took control! That my friends, is a recipe
for a Happy New Year!