Editorials
NAACP Hears Bush
By Thomas Lee Watts, Janitor / Columnist RPC
Jul 22, 2006, 09:07

The morn' was hotter than a son-of-a-bitch, as Slappy Peterson - the other colored guy that works fo' RepublicanPress.com - and I stood outside by the gash pumps, waiting fo' our next customoaner. As you know, Slappy and I are undercover as "pump-monkeys" to find out why gash be so high. And, as you know, we'z were explunged from our last gash station job, 'cause Slappy exfoliated a customoaner of the female grinder. So, here we'z be at a new gash station called, "Speedy Garrison's Gash Stop."

"President Bush is fixin' to preach to the N double A - C.P" I mortified to Slappy, as I fumbled around with the tuning knob of my Japansy AM  radio.

 "He go there?" Slappy quisbied in a high-toned manner of stupefaction.

"Yes! He go there!" I snapped like a white woman who had just caught her colored husband doing her sister.

"I shor' hope President Brush talk to them 'bout welfare and knockin' up colored women. And, I hope he - President Brush - talk 'bout the demagoguery he has brung to them 'Raqi peoples.  It be something to crow 'bout.....you know, demagoguery to a country that only knew dick-taters and evil doers." Slappy reposed as he leaned on the hot gash pump and scratched his enormous monstrosity - his boa-construction snake of ebony hue - through his white "pump monkey" pants.

"Yes, you be more than cunnilingus in your assaying 'bout the demagoguery that has been brought to the 'Raqi peoples visa-via President Bush. They - the 'Raqi peoples - are a mixture of Shittys and Tsunamis tribal fractions that hate each other, and they both hate the Cruds! President Bush just say'z that it is ownershit that we'z coloreds need. Ownershit, you know, shit you'z own." I remarked as I listened to the words of wisdom from President Bush. Yes, words of wisdom spoken in the moist moronic manner, from he's - President Bush's - heart.

"Hum, ownershit....hum....we'z colored knows 'bout ownershit, 'cause we'z used to be owned by whitie. He - whitie – brought our black asses over here from....ah....Australia, and he - whitie - out us in suavity. But, then Abraham Lincoln - the Mark IV edition - say'z he free our black asses!" Slappy paginated orally.

"Shh!" I say'z to him fo' I wanted to hear President Bush on the radio. It was then that Slappy wandered off and Mrs. Garrison pulled up to  where he -Slappy - be wandered to. She then took Slappy into the lube rack and Slappy lubed her. He - Slappy - lubed her good. She - Mrs. Garrison - went to hollerin' and shoutin' fo' Slappy to "do her harder." And, he did.....

Needles to say'z, but Speedy Garrison came walkin' thru and  caught Slappy lubing Mrs. Garrison, his wife and his betroven and now lubed wife. It was then that he fire Slappy and me.

"We'z need ownershit." I say'z to Slappy as we'z walk down the road.

 "Yeah, ownershit or more vaginal control over our colored lives." Slappy say'z as we walk.

"Yes, and President Bush say'z he will give us that and mo' tacks cuts to help us. And, he say'z that the death tacks is keeping us coloreds poor!" I retorted

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