Breaking News
Bush De-Classified Pre War Intelligence!
By Staff
Apr 11, 2006, 11:26

Washington DC -   President Bush, looking tired, sleepy, and for the lack of a better term,"BUSHED," told an audience at John Hopkins University:  "I wanted people to see the truth and thought it made sense for people to see the truth."  President Bush, of course was referring to the leaking of the document that led to former C.I.A. undercover agent, Valarie Plame, being exposed.

The truth will set you free, or so the old saying goes, but in this case, let's just say that the truth was in the eye of the beholder, i.e. V.P. Cheney, and President Bush.

This anonymous staff reporter wouldn't mind exposing Valerie also!  She looks like she's got really nice tits!  I couldn't help but think of this as President Bush rambled onward with his speech. I sat there listening to him, thinking of her. "Hey, that would make a great country music song", I said to myself.

"You're not supposed to talk about classified information, and so I declassified the document," he said in a question-and-answer session after delivering a speech on Iraq. "I thought it was important for people to get a better sense for why I was saying what I was saying in my speeches. And I felt I could do so without jeopardizing ongoing intelligence matters, and so I did."  President Bush went on to say. This revelation not only stunned me, it also stunned several members in the audience. Then, it dawned on all us that President Bush didn't really know "classified" from "declassified." This, of course, was a real comfort to all of us.  Despite the fact this anonymous reporter is a devoted Republican, I  never got the feeling that anyone in attendance could understand President Bush's awkward rambling or delivery style.  I did  however notice a small piss stain on the front of my slacks as President Bush gave his speech.

A source within the President's inner circle told this anonymous staff reporter," Bush declassified sensitive intelligence in 2003 and authorized it to be publicly disclosed to rebut Iraq war critics. But the lawyer said Bush did not specifically direct Libby to disseminate information about prewar intelligence to reporters."  or some shit like that I think the source said.  This may or may not be what the source told me, because I forgot my notebook, and a woman with really nice tits was walking by, and I couldn't get this inner-circle source to shut the hell up.

This anonymous staff reporter was glad that President Bush released the portions of the document that unheld his case for war with Iraq. I also know, in my anonymous mind, that we would never have gone to war in Iraq without this misguided info.  This anonymous reporter was also glad there was a bathroom nearby as this reporter had to piss like a Kentucky Derby racehorse on race day!

"It's a good thing that the president didn't release the whole document," I said to this source in the Bush inner circle.  I then took a step backwards, to gauge his response. What a goofy looking bastard you are, I thought to myself as the source stood across from me saying something.  I meant what I said to him - the goofy bastard - President Bush did the right thing just releasing the parts that made his case for war.  Americans like a strong leader that can decide what we need to hear and see.  A leader with his mind made-up, with strong conviction, a man who can bend the facts to fit those convictions!  As I looked at my source from thr inner circle of the Bush White House, I thought once more what a goofy looking bastard he was.

"I bet your old lady is uglier than hell, Carl." I mumbled under my breath. I think she even worked for Bush at some point in time. Damn, Bush doesn't have the good looking women working for him, like Bill Clinton did. That damn Karen Hughes is ugly enough to make this anonymous reporter climb "Brokeback Mountain" and turn anonymously gay!

"Bush's decision in July 2003 to disclose sensitive prewar intelligence assessments came amid a growing public realization that Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction. The failure to find such weapons undermined a chief rationale Bush and Cheney used for the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq." My source leaked to  this anonymous staff reporter. Where upon, the source and I walked down to the men's room, there we both took a leak into the urinal.

"Psssssssssss-splash-splash-splash-Psssssss" were the sound of our leaking. We then, shook our small instruments, zipped up our pants, he farted twice, I scratched my ass, and we walked back into the room.

This anonymous reporter didn't hear anything new in the rest of President Bush's speech. "Blah-blah, I'm a war president!" was about all I thought I heard him say. I did notice the FOX NEWS reporter - Carl Camron - what a goofy looking bastard he is - as he stood with a pee-pee dribble stain on his pants. (Please note : not that Carl was the source close to the inner circle of President Bush. I mean, sure, Carl had been to the bathroom with this anonymous reporter, but that doesn't necessarily mean my source was Carl, although he is a goofy looking bastard.)

(Please also note: This anonymous reporter didn't really mean that Karen Hughes is on the ugly side of the railroad tracks. There is someone for everyone and thank God that someone isn't me! But, still, all-in-all, when the votes are counted, Carl and Karen won't win any beauty contest!)