I, Brother Merv Kilgore, among other things, will be running for Tom DeLay's old seat in congress. It will be a challenge, filled with the struggle for our nation’s soul.  We can’t afford to sit idle and let the liberal whores of peace dictate our destiny.   I may not be the best man for the job, but Tom Delay has left big shoes to fill.  Tom DeLay was the ultimate conservative Republican. No man, can be the asshole that Tom was, or be the prick that Tom was.  But, I think can come close.  In the words of my campaign slogan, “I might be a has-been but at least I’ve been there!”

 Why do I run?

 That's a good question that deserves a good answer.

 Can I make a difference in congress?

 That's another good question, and it too deserves a good answer.

  What motivates me, Brother Merv Kilgore?

My motivation is to lessen the role of government.  For it is government
that is the problem, and I’m running to be part of it!   We have let the liberal whores of peace run this great country for far too long. We have seen what the liberal plan has wroth - big government, higher taxes, lack of morality, and of course, the U.N.

 America can do better by doing with less, and when it comes to “less” I am the least!  I am the only candidate that has called for the end of taxation, the only candidate to call for less government, and I am the voice in the wilderness that  cries out,” Come, follow me and live in the wilderness!"

 I, Brother Merv Kilgore, am a true red-white and blue Republican. I know that
America's future lies not in the failed policies of tomorrow, but it lies within the values of yesterday, wrapped up in the morals of long ago, surrounded by the enigma of olden times.

 "I will run for freedom!"

I shout from the roof top, over looking the ongoing battle that rages far below from where I stand and shout.  When the battle begins, the smoke of war is all around, and while our brave men and women fight, I will run for freedom - as fast as my legs will carry me.

 "I will run for freedom when all is lost!"

 "I will run for freedom when the hour is dark."

 "I will run, and not look back as you battle against the forces of darkness!"

 "I will run while you stay and fight for my liberty!"

The history of this great nation is filled with many great moments.  Great moments, and great men doing great things. We stand at a crossroad of history today, yearning to have some great man guide us as we journey. The journey will be hard on us, some of us will falter, some will stop, some will cry, some will stop by the wayside for rest. But, a great leader will recognize the weak, and he will bash their heads with the rocks of determination until they realize that only the strong survive. It will be then that the weak will become meek and inherit the earth; for our leader will force them to dig their own graves. I am that leader!

 We need a captain to guide this great ship, America, as we cross the mighty waters of discontent. And, though our crew is fraught with fear, and bodies twisted with scurvy, with clinched bowels of diarrhea, our brave captain orders us to sail on into the horizon of torment.  He stands on the deck ordering the crew to be strong or die. He stands, as the mighty winds of change blow another crewman into the cold waters of progress, and there that crewman will drown in the cold waters of
the sea of self-reliance. Our captain knows that only the brave will weather these waters of turmoil, as our ship has capsized and it's every man for himself.  The captain and the officers are in the only dingy, safe and rowing past the crew that battles the waves. Some will falter and drown and will never see the captain
and his officers again. Some will make it to the safety of the shore, and the captain and his officers will greet them with a hardy handshake, before ordering them to search for wood for a warm fire. I am that captain!