(Washington DC)
In a surprising move today, the U.S. Military came forward with a signed document - a "Contract With The Commander-In-Chief" - today at an undisclosed, secret meeting place.

"It's simple, these brave men are basically saying, that they think that they may have thought too much in the past, and now, they want to get back to basics, basically speaking of course." said a former General Motors, a retired Major General of the Army, and now a military specialist for Pat Robertson's 700 Club.

"It's simple, really, today's military men have lined-up behind this president - this self-labeled "War President" - and these men are saying that they believe in President Bush and his plan, or his plans for a plan, and/or his belief that a plan will be ready for the upcoming elections. Really, I think the only way you can view this document, this "contract" if you will, is by viewing it with your own eyes." Retired General Motors added with firmness and self-confidence to this un-named reporter, who unlike the General has no confidence and would like for his name to be known, but whose editor has a different view point regarding this reporter being known.

"A new day has dawned, and America is ready to take her place as the world's leader in military might, and military power! I've said all a long that America has to wake up to the fact that we are in a war - a war on terror, or a war on Islamo-fanaticism-radicalism!"  said Pat Robertson, founder of the 700 Club to this un-named reporter as tried to interview General Motors.

"Islamo-fanaticism-radicalism, or  the I.F.R., is a new wave of terror from Islamo fanaticism and radicalism." Mr. Robertson stated further.

"Hence its name." this un-name reporter added, with a slight grin of anticipation upon my face and a slight case of constipation weighing upon my bowels.

The following is the actual contract that was signed by several members of the military:

              The Contract with the Commander-In-Chief

We the undersigned, being of sound mind, do hereby reaffirm our commitment with President Bush.  Weacknowledge that in the past we were skeptics, maybe
even "naysayers", and some of us might have been "evil-doers" to some extent. But, now, we have changed our ways and we stand willing to stand behind President Bush and his plan, or plans, and/or planning for a plan. We the undersigned now know that this war - the war in Iraq, or the War on Terror, or maybe even The Long War (not to be confused with the movie - The Longest Yard, or The Longest Day, or Long Dong Silver) requires for us to get past the liberal media filter and tell the "Good News".  We the undersigned know that "freedom isn't free", and that "the cost of freedom is high",  also that "freedomis just another word for nothing left to lose" as Janis Joplin sang of in the Kris Kristopherson song,"Me and Bobbie McGee."  We the undersigned pledge our undying effort, our blind faith, our sense of patriotism, and our willingness to follow.  We pledge to do away with our giddy schoolgirl ways, our doubts, and stand by you, Mr. President - oh, great leader of the pack and our War President - and never, ever will we ask for more men in the theater of war than what you and Secretary Rumsfeld have decided.  We promise to bring this war in under budget, under manned, and under the least possible bad news. We also promise to rely more on propaganda, slogans, and old wives-tales, instead of facts, figures, and that other stuff.   As you once said,"Bring'em on," and "Smoke’em out", or "Dead or Alive," couple all of that with those blue fingered Iraqis and we have put actions with words. "Mission Accomplished", isn't just a banner across a aircraft carrier, but is something that somebody put up when you weren't looking. WMD was never the reason of the season, but rape rooms were springing up all over greater Iraq.  "Dead Enders" with rape rooms can't win unless we CUT and RUN!

                 signed,

General Motors                      
General Tire
General Mills
General Admission
General Nonsense
General Custer
General Fee
General Parking
Colonel Klink
Colonel Hogan
Colonel Sanders
Colonel Crocket
Colonel Bowie
Colonel Parker
Major Major
Major Dad
Major Minor
Major Pain
Major Headache
Lee Majors
Captain Blye
Captain Ahab
Captain Nemo
Captain Ishmael
Captain and Tenille
Captain America
Captain Oh Captain
Captain Crunch
Commander Cody
Lieutenant Dan
Sergeant Carter
Sergeant of Arms
Sergeant Peppers
Corporal Punishment
Sergeant Schultz
Corporal Klinger
Corporal "Radar" O'Reily
Private Ryan
Private Plye
Private Parts
Private Area
Private Privates
Private Party
Private Room
Private Man
Private Pictures
Private Beetle Bailey
Chief Red Cloud
Chief Knock-A-Homa
Chief Chef
Chief Joseph
Chief Correspondent
Chief Sitting Bull
Chief Bottle Washer
Seaman Glob
Seaman On My Britches
Seaman Specimen
Seaman Donor
Seaman Count
Seaman Smells