From RepublicanPress.com
Globbie Warming: Fact or Friction?
By Thomas Lee Watts, RPC Janitor/Columnist
Apr 5, 2007 - 3:05:28 PM
Dateline: Fred Barnes' office
As I'z cleaned Fred's office I couldn't help but notice that the Supreme Courts had just ruled in favor of the so-called Globbie Warmers. You'z knows of whose I speak of, they be the peoples that claim the earth get hotter. And, these peoples wants to hug trees, save whales, and basically ruin the American economizes - you know, our way of doing bidiness.
Me and my side-kick, Slappy Peterson, are part time janitors and part time columnists fo' RepublicanPress.com. But, seeing how Mr Raymond Clodstill - the owner, publisher, and my bro-in-law had d-i-v-o-r-c-e-d his wife, Trudy, he now run this blog. So, I guess, me and Slappy can adds BLOGGERS to our titles of prodigality.
While I'z be cleaning - I'z clean fast and hard like a son-of-a-bitch - Slappy be ruminating to he self. Slappy be that way, he not work hard like me, but rather, he be lazy and shiftless like moist of us colored. ( I'z not one of them uppity coloreds that call he self, "Afro-American", or "Black". I preturd to be called, "Colored", just like in the good old days when Ike be president. )
"Slappy, I axe you, whats be your opinions of Globbie Warming?" I quisby Slappy while he stand there.
"Hmmmmm, I suggest to you'z, and hopes that I'z not be under no legitimation with your opinions, that Globbie Warming be a fecal of the political left - i.e. the demos and commies, and socialites, you knows, the peoples that don't believe in the freeze-market ecological - and they'z use this miscounter production of the earth getting hotter to their own beneficial." Slappy stated with such exigency and grace, as he stood there leaning upon his mop. He eyes be half shut and a half smoked, cheap cigar dangled from he'z thick, bottom lip.
Slappy, he may not be a true-blue conservative like me, but sometimes he know how to phrase things in just the right putrid sense. I'z tip my hat to him fo' that, even though he be lazy and shiftless.
"I'z agree, whole hardy I might intruder to you'z, with your bombastic verbal attributions of oral profundity." I countered with my own expertise of the subjection of the subjected.
"I'z axe you'z, is the Globbie getting warmer? If it be, then why do Buffalo, New York get all that snow in the winter time? President Brush say'z it best, when he axe, Is our chil'ren being learn?" Slappy percolated orally in he own verbage.
"He name ain't Brush, it be Bush!" I'z squealed, like a white gurl being did by one of us coloreds. Then, I'z dusted the table like there weren't no tomorrow.
"President Brush, he say'z the jury still be out on the Globbie warming. I shore hope he be right, but then again, if it be an all white jury some colored is going to be found guilty! You'z can bets your colored ass on that fact. Then again, I shore likes to find me a white gurl to see if she be hot and wet over Globbie warming." Slappy prognosticated as he rub he "thang" - you know, he ebony monstrosity - through his tight white pants.
"Slappy! You'z get in trouble if you'z keep thinking and rubbing your "thang"! I screamed as I wiped clean the pictures of Fred Barnes and teenage white boys.
"Yes, but lookie at the cost - i.e. the monastery ramification to bidiness - it be huge in a vaginal manner. Many, many bidinesses would find themselves bunkrupted from trying to not pollute the geosphere with pollutants - i.e. carbonation, mainly - because they be forced to pay higher tacks. So, bidinesses will cunnilingus one another in order not to be found in violation by Uncle Sam." Slappy vilified.
"You'z right again." I stipulated
"We'z republicans know that this Globbie Warming is just a smelly turd in a bucket that the Liberians - liberal democrats - be selling us. It just like Senator Inhoff said, It be a great Fonzie scheme of our lifetime. Now, lets go looking for some poontang." Slappy added as we'z finished cleaning and walked out of Fred's office.
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