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Brother Merv Kilgore, who recently announced he is running for Tom Delay�s seat as a write in, sat down with our anonymous staff reporter and discussed the issues of this election. RepublicanPress.Com was proud that Brother Merv chose us for his first sit down meeting.
Anonymous staff reporter: "Thank you, Brother Merv, for this interview. My first question is why you chose to enter this race?"
Brother Merv Kilgore: "I've jumped into this campaign with both feet, head held high, and knowing that it is the issues that will make or break me. I'm not afraid to stand with President Bush on the issues. I will stand by him as he stands by his plan. We can't "cut and run".
Anonymous staff reporter: "And what are the main issues?"
Brother Merv Kilgore: "The main issues are the issues that we mainly think about."
Anonymous staff reporter: "Fair enough. Let's move to abortion - what is your stand on abortion?"
Brother Merv Kilgore: "Abortion, the killing of babies, little unborn people that only wanted to come out and be somebody. I'm against abortion! Why, do we kill babies, yet we protect birds, snails, and other "so-called" endangered
species? My first day in congress I will bring a bill against abortion. My bill
will make it a crime for any woman to abort a baby!"
Anonymous staff reporter: "How will this bill of yours be enforced?"
Brother Merv Kilgore: "In my bill - the Pro-Anti Abortion Bill - all pregnant women will meet once a week with a special task force - the Pregnancy Police - and her term will be documented. The woman will have to answer certain questions and take a test. If, she was pregnant and for some reason isn't pregnant anymore, then she will be held in custody until the task force determines on how she lost the baby. If, she lost it due to an illness - let's say, a bad cold - then she will be charged with a misdemeanor of some sort. But, if she aborted by un-natural means, then, she will be charged with murder!"
Anonymous staff reporter: "Fair enough, lets move on. What is your stand on homosexuality?"
Brother Merv Kilgore: "I'm Pro-Anti Homosexuality! These butt bangers, these peter pullers, these pooter pokers are the root cause for many of our kids turning queer! There have been studies that suggest that homosexuality is a disease. Many, many, good people wake up in the morning and come down with this disease. It starts out with a cough, or maybe a fever, and then exculpates to sucking a big root of some kind."
Anonymous staff reporter: "Fair enough.....< cough, cough >...lets move on. Gay marriage?"
Brother Merv Kilgore: "First, I am Pro-Family! Pro-Marriage! Pro-'Rassling! and Pro-Bono! But, marriage should be between a man and a woman - lets say, Adam and Eva and not Adam and Steve! Marriage, like I said before, is between a man and a woman. This man, this manly man takes a woman - preferably an attractive woman, with large tits - not to large though - and this man marries her. He likes sex, and of course, the wife doesn't really like it because she is a "good girl". She makes up for her lack of sex drive by baking, having kids - about 9 or so - raising those kids, and cleaning the house.
He, has a job, supports the family and bangs some slut on the side.
That is a happy American home!"
Anonymous staff reporter: "Fair enough and I guess that the woman needs to obey too?"
Brother Merv Kilgore: "Absolutely!"
Anonymous staff reporter: "Speaking of obeying.....your impression of how the war in
Iraq
is
going?"
Brother Merv Kilgore: "
BOOM
!
BOOM
! BANG! BANG! WHIZZZZZZ! KA-
BOOM
!"
Anonymous staff reporter: "No, no, your opinion on how the war is going."
Brother Merv Kilgore: "Oh, sorry, yes.......the war in
Iraq
is going fine. President Bush has declared victory 3 years ago, Vice President Cheney has said that the terrorist were in their last throes, so, it is going as planned. Oh, sure, some will point to the death and destruction, but those that do this are "doom and gloomers." I point to the new schools, new roads, new sewers, new pipelines as signs of our victory. Sure, it's easy to sit back and be a "namby-pamby" and say," Our boys are dying!" But, it takes men like President Bush to be strong enough to overlook the dying and see the rainbow on the horizon. Cut and run isn't a plan, but it is a way to lose what we've gained.
America
didn't cut and run at the Little Big Horn, nor did we cut and run at the
Alamo
. Sure, we lost those battles, but we did it on our terms and not the enemies!
Anonymous staff reporter: "Fair enough. Your stand on jobs?"
Brother Merv Kilgore: "A job is what every American needs. I have always said that a job - even the shittiest job - is the answer. There are plenty of jobs out there. I mean, look, when we get the courage to stop reporting the unemployment numbers, then we won't have to worry with unemployment! It's not right for President Bush to have to deal with unemployment facts and figures! Those numbers, those facts, those figures just embolden the terrorist! There are jobs out there for everyone that wants a job! A wise man once said, " Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But, make that man give you a "BLOWJOB" and you've taught him a lesson about life!"
Anonymous staff reporter: "Fair enough....thank you Brother Merv."
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