Breaking News
White House Leaks Plan For War With Iran
By RPC Anonymous Staff Reporter
Apr 20, 2006 - 8:13:00 AM

In a stunning development, the White House today offered up details of its plan for war with Iran.

"It's all here," said a spokesman for the 700 Club as he pointed to a briefcase handcuffed to his wrist.  When this anonymous staff reporter for RPC asked to view the contents of said briefcase, the request was declined by the un-named spokesman of the 700 Club.

"We've got it all: pictures of Iranian brutality, rape rooms, albeit Persian style and decored rape rooms, WMD, plans to make WMD if there isn't WMD, and of course, terrorists." The un-named spokesman of the 700 Club added.

A person close to the White House - who asked that his name not appear for fear of being accused of leaking sensitive information said," The un-named spokesman of the 700 Club is telling the truth. He was there in the planning room of the White House with the president, vice-president and the secretary of defense."

This person, who works in the White House, continued tell this anonymous reporter of RPC that a plan has been finalized. "Iran has enough oil to pay for this mission, so it won't cost the American taxpayer one dime. In other words, their oil reserves will pay for the war and the rebuilding of the country. We also have a broad coalition of countries to be named later that may or may not lend us support."

"Iraq  redux?" This anonymous RPC asked.  "Oh yeah, absolutely," said an anonymous source close to the Reverend Jerry Falwell. "We know now that Iran had something to do with 9-11, and we know that Iran had something to do with us going into Iraq, and we also know that Iran is very near Iraq geographically. It just makes sense."  the anonymous source added anonymously.

"Look, those Iranian people want us to invade them now, not later - so, they can have free elections like Iraq. It's really simple, freedom is marching through these Islamic countries like a dose of salts through a widow woman!" remarked an un-named source close to Vice-President Cheney.

"We have reports of Iranian women bring dragged down the streets of Tehran, beaten, spit-on, and then raped in specially built Persian rape rooms!  These rape rooms dwarf any of Saddam's rape rooms!" The un-named spokesman for the 700 Club told us all.

"President Bush feels that Iran is a dangerous growing threat." #### ######, an insider of the Bush White House said.

"It was the worst day in my life, when I saw Harry falling..." #### ###### added.

Will we be greeted as liberators or will we be greeted as an invasion force? Will this anonymous reporter for RPC ever get a chance to date a good looking woman? Will America be viewed as masturbators of evil by the Iranian people?  Will Condi Rice come out of the closet? Who in the Bush White House will get another medal for doing a shitty job?  All these questions rumbled through this anonymous reporter's
anonymous mind.

"The Iranian people will greet us with flowers and kisses. "General Admission told this anonymous reporter. General Admission, a four-star general, went on to say," Secretary Rumsfeld has a tough job to do. Big challenges demand a man that can see those big challenges - things happen, some good, most are bad, but when it's fourth down and two yards to go for a first down, Secretary Rumsfeld will swing for the fences. He - Rumsfeld - is just that way, when it's 2 seconds left and we are 2 points behind, Secretary Rumsfeld will punt!"

This anonymous reporter of RPC just looked at General Admission, and thought about his analogies. I have to be honest, they didn't make sense, but maybe then again, I'm not looking at the big picture through red state colored glasses.